Encouraging Domination: The Dance of Submission

Your wife is not automatically a strong dominant. You have to help build her dominance. When you submit to her, that feeds her dominance. When you do not submit to her, that stops her dominance. You too are not automatically submissive. Her dominance feeds your submission. It's an ancient dance, built into your personalities.

So, if you want to make this work, you must be submissive and obedient. When you are submissive and obedient, that TURNS ON HER DOMINANCE. When you are not, that TURNS OFF her dominance. That isn't her fault, it's yours.

Suppose you have the heart-to-heart and she agrees to try dominating you. The next day she asks you to do something. If you don't do it, that turns off her dominance. You should do it happily, enthusiastically, and as well as you can. That will electrify her dominance. Suppose she criticizes something you did. She shouldn't, but swallow that pride, enjoy the submissive fantasy, and make it clear that you appreciate her criticism and you will try to change and do better.

Suppose you two are in bed and she asks you to get her a glass of water, because she is too tired. If that's erotic for you, great. But true submission is getting the water even when you are tired too and it isn't erotic. Get the water without complaining and be glad to serve her. That turns on her dominance. If you aren't going to get her water when she asks, then do not pretend to be a 24/7 submissive.

Sometimes you will forget. That's natural. Sometimes she will have to remind you. That's her training you to be submissive. But someone has to start the dance, and that someone is you.

Suppose she is empty. She has used up her energy being a competent caring domme. It is your job to fill her up, and that means pampering her. If you are truly submissive to her, you will want to pamper her with all of your heart. If you are not truly submissive to her, then you might not feel like it.

That's natural. Just as it is your job to bring out her dominance, it is her job to bring out your submissiveness. Maybe that hasn't happened yet. But again, you are the one who has to get things started. Pamper her. Imagine a submissive fantasy. You can be a slave serving the Egyptian queen. You are her prisoner and forced to serve her. Or you under her complete control, and you desperately want her to be in a good mood and able to make good decisions.